Let Me Explain Who The World Has Lost

This entire summer I have been furious with God. I’ve spent a lot of time questioning His plan and the circumstances that have kept me in Arlington, Kansas for the last 2 months. Now my heart aches with understanding...

Let me start at the very beginning.

Hannah Schoenecker was my very first true best friend, but not by choice. Hannah’s twin brothers were always staying at our house on the weekends with my older brother, so usually, Hannah tagged along. I thought she was weird. I still think she’s weird.

I always thought it was weird how she dressed, mostly in boys clothes. She always had on Eric or Wayne’s shorts and a t-shirt with a sports team on it. They would sometimes get mad at her for stealing their clothes.

I spent a lot of time trying not to do anything they could make fun of me for. My brother used to call me “J-Man” and they knew I hated it so they would do it too. A couple of weeks ago Wayne called me J-Man and I still have that 7th-grade trauma.

Eric, Wayne, and Hannah were usually with us at our family gatherings, Church Camps, and lake trips. Every time we left town it seemed like they were with us.

Eric and Wayne picked on me all throughout high school when I was still trying to figure out how to use makeup and trying way too hard to be cool. We were in guitar class together and they would get so mad at me when I played the same song 100 times over and over because I wanted to perfect it but they didn't want to hear it anymore. Wayne was on stage playing the guitar for me while I sang during one of my very first performances.

Every Friday night I would be in the stands cheering on the twins, their cousin (my future brother-in-law), and my older brother. That team was a large part of what made me fall in love with sports. The passion, camaraderie, and magic that took place when they stepped on the field was captivating.

Life went on and college happened. When people would ask me where I went to high school I would say Fairfield and they would say, “Y’all had a few guys with beards that were some athletes, right?” To this day, I get asked that question. I used to say, “Yes, I grew up with those guys.” Then I would say, “Yes, my sister married one of them.” Now I say, “Yeah, those are my brothers.”

Life went on and too many lives were lost along the way and we grieved together. Wayne’s beautiful girlfriend, Eric’s college roommate and their older sister all left far too soon. But every time I saw Eric and Wayne they would give me a hug so big that my spine would crunch. A hug that made you feel like you were whole even while you were falling apart.

Life went on and Wayne started coaching at the school, Eric got married and Hannah moved to Nashville for a job. I graduated from college with a degree in journalism and moved back home when COVID hit. Then it got complicated.

The circumstances that brought me to live in Arlington, Kansas really don’t make any sense, especially when I try to explain it to someone after they ask me what I’m doing now. It didn't make sense for me to move in with my best friend’s parents, but that’s where I found myself.

Wayne had just moved back into the house 2 weeks before I did.

For the last two months, I sat at the table with Wayne and we ate together. We played card games (which I hate because I suck at) together. We talked about what this next year would look like for both of us which mostly meant he listened to me complain about not having a job and I told him he better coach again this year because he’s too good to not be doing it.

He listened to me talk about what happened at whatever rodeo I just came home from even though he really didn't care. He gave me so much crap for that.

Wayne has felt more pain than a human being should ever have to endure. His entire family has. Yet his capacity to love never decreased or wavered, it only grew. He wasn’t afraid to love and lose, he only knew love and gave away as much as he could. And everyone around him felt that.

One week ago, I was at the house watching a western with Scott and Andrea (Hannah’s dad and step-mom). We had eaten dinner already and I had thrown a little pity party for myself because I wasn’t on a sideline for a high school game on opening week for the first time in my life.

I asked Andrea if we had ice cream and she said no. I texted Wayne who was golfing with Eric and asked him if he could bring me an ice cream sandwich. He replied right away and said, “Just one? Lol.” He brought me 3.

I always joked with Wayne that if we were both still single in 2060, we’d get married. We even shook on it once. Hannah hates when I say that. But who would pass up a man willing to bring ice cream sandwiches without any hesitation?

After I ate one, I was getting ready for bed and trying to figure out what I should wear to a wedding I had to attend the next day. I brought one out to the living room to ask Andrea, “Is it rude to wear white to a wedding even if it has flowers like this?”

Wayne said, “It’s fine if you want your coochie hanging out, that’s a short dress.”

And that was the last thing Wayne said to me.

Wayne Scott Schoenecker had a heart big enough for us all. He was the greatest listener, encourager and was always, ALWAYS the life of the party. He knew how to make the odd person in the group feel like part of the family. He didn't hold a grudge, he didn't feel any resentment towards another person, and he never met a person he couldn’t turn into a friend. His laugh was truly the most comforting sound in the world.

I’m sorry I didn't try harder when you were trying to teach me pitch. I’m sorry I didn't hug you tightly one last time. I’m sorry I didn't take more pictures with you.

But I’m so thankful for what you brought to me and so many others. I’m thankful for the time I had with you these last two months. I’ll love you forever Wayne. Even beyond 2060. I know you’re up there dancing in the sky showing Jesus how to break it down like it’s a 2014 homecoming.

“A heart made of gold stopped beating,

Hard-working hands laid to rest.

God broke our hearts again to prove to us

That He only takes the best.”