Purpose - it declares why you exist.
Lately, I've been having a tough time trying to nail down exactly what my purpose might be. That's a lie, actually, I would say it's been a battle for the last 12 months but I was busy surfing, healing, and falling in love so it sort of became a subconscious thought. Until I couldn't ignore it anymore.
That's where I find myself today, 2 weeks away from my 24th birthday. Restless & wrestling with my purpose. Not very original is it?
In my search for my purpose (take a sip of water every time you read that word haha), I kept hearing people closest to me telling me to visualize it. Where do I want to be in 10 years? What's the feeling I hope to get from the work I do? What am I passionately curious about?
Those answers were hard to boil down to just a few words for me. But there was one question I read online that I couldn't stop thinking about, "What's true about you today that would make your 8-year-old self cry?"
I loved to read as a kid. When I was 8 years old, what I was most passionate about was dreaming about my future for hours and hours through books, all with different plots and stories but each with me as the main character.
As a kid, I wasn't even thinking about the present. I spent all of my time thinking about how cool I would be one day and about all of the different lives I would live instead of thinking day to day about what foster home I would be in.
It makes sense then why I would be discontent with staying in one place for too long. I chose a career in journalism that I thought would take me all over the world. And so far I've been very fortunate to travel to different rodeos and to have visited the Hawaiian islands of Maui, Oahu, Kauai, and the big island.
But where do I go from here? Mexico where I finally take time to learn Spanish? North Carolina where I live in a small quiet town? New York City to work for ESPN? I don't know. But my 8-year-old self would've thought I'd do it all. She thought I was going to change the world. And maybe I will in my lifetime. Only God knows.
Only God knows my purpose and His plan for my life and that's something I am trying really hard to be in tune with. Even the greatest, most successful, impactful people felt rejected from what they thought their purpose really was before they went on to be a success. I pray every day to know which direction God wants me to go next.
If you read the post I wrote last year, I prayed that year 23 was where I'd find myself in the belly of the whale, just like Jonah.
This was Jonah's cry in the belly of the whale: 2 He said: “In my distress, I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry. 3 You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me....9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’ ” 10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
I'm not sure how many of you have been hurled into the depths of the sea with currents, waves, and breakers swirling around you but it's something surfers can sort of relate to.
When you lose your balance on a heavy wave and fall or you take a wave right on your head and it pushes you down, it can be disorienting. It's hard to know which way is up or down, what else might be coming after the wave, where your board is, or if anyone else is close by. It can be chaotic and easy to get lost for a second.
That's sort of how I feel right now. A little lost about which direction I should go. So as Jonah said, I will choose to believe and say that "Salvation comes from the Lord." And I'll pray to have trust and obedience when God puts me back onto dry land.